Credit Cards are Like a Bad Relationship...

Credit Cards; We all own one, and how can we not? They promise so much yet deliver so little. Much like a relationship.... You never know what your really getting yourself into until your stuck counting the cost. But how do you explain it's impact on someone who hasn't owned one?

If there was ever a recipe for bad romance, credit cards are it. I sure hope credit card companies and debt collectors have a sense of humor about what they do.

When you meet someone you like, you feel very happy, you see how others act around her, and you can't help but want her for yourself. Lets call her Madame Visa. You are hesitant to apply, after all, is she really worth the commitment, is she someone you want to take home to meet your parents? Someone to rely on a during a pricey family dinner maybe? 

Once you scrounge up the courage and apply for her good graces, you can't help feel hesitant. After all who knows what your past history will reveal; A faulty credit score is a tough thing to get over. But who knows? Maybe if you've been prudent your entire life you haven't been with her fickle friends Madame's MasterCard, American Express and Discovery. You might be safe. You pray that she doesn't scorn you over your past involvements. After all, they're in the past baby, I'm sure with you it'll be different. Magical even. I know your the right one for me! 

If she says yes and embraces your hand with all the comfort you dreamed off. You can't help but enjoy how magical it feels. She accepts and chooses you. She will support you (with 0% for the first 6 months even) and even give you 2% cash back, all because she is so fine that all business want you, treat you special even, just so you you come visit. All because of the lovely lady nestled in your outstretched palm.  

You think it's poor taste to swipe her once too often, after all, she is special, but you can't help but show her off and how powerful you feel with Madame Visa clutched onto your fingertips.  

How can you help but not fall in inexplicably love with her? She always says yes to your most arduously hidden desires, should you buy a light pink man-purse complete with a humidifier for $399, yes! After all, its less than $400 and she will feel oh so protected in there. 

It is only after that glow new loves brings to fade that you discover the problems that a real relationship brings. She is no longer as comforting anymore, she grows distant, disinterested even and at times severely demanding. 

You acquiesce by throwing money at the problem, the 38.95% rate is no problem, anything to keep Madame Visa happy. She wants and expects the best. After all, you knew what you were getting into....didn't you read the fine print? You find that your 'investment' in Madame Visa's happiness is really an expensive hobby....nay your life in fact. Until the day when tempers fray she humiliates you by declining your affections in public. 

You fight, you cry, you scream and you beg to be placed back in her good graces, but alas. You try and you swipe, but it is done. You have been declined. Someone takes Madame Visa off you and cuts her into small pieces, much like your heart and the realization that you are no longer whole. Your life will never be the same. To have loved and lost, is better than to never have loved at all. You will eventually recover, and hopefully learn from your past and trust your heart to someone who will really take care of you and know when to say no. A trusty debit card perhaps.    

When you get a card, you feel happy, suddenly you feel like you can do anything (as far as your limit allows). New frontiers open up as your no longer constrained by the pesky prudent limits of your disposable income, in short you love your shiny new credit card. You feel that the card and its minimal introductory fees are truly an investment, much like a nice shiny charcoal grey power suit. 

In fact, maybe you'll splurge on that awesome suit you saw at Barney's, imagining your co-workers' complements flowing on how great you look, how your boss will see how you've taken your look to a new level and are now ready for a big promotion (not to mention an earth shattering) raise and how that hot new receptionist's knees are going to buckle just seeing you gliding regally in that suit of Kings. 

Master of the Universe indeed, and your plastic lover, Madame Visa is your king maker. 

Well, you buy the suit (along with shoes, tie, belt, silk briefs and a watch), swiping your card away with care free abandon with the full knowledge that its 0% for 6 months. You don't care what it will cost, after all, your forthcoming raise will probably more than cover it all. It's an investment in the future.

Fast forward 6 months and no one has really complemented you on your suit, minus your co-workers cursory, "Is that a new suit, gee that's nice" before going back to their desks (after all, your bonus is based on the work you do, not what you wear while doing it you twat!), your bosses look at your (mostly) shiny suit silently fume that you bought a nicer suit than the ones that they are wearing and privately wonder if its because your going for an interview.... you disloyal brat! And the pretty receptionist doesn't notice your gargantuan investment, after all she sees hundreds of suits every day, what does she care/know if you splurged on a new expensive one, she's more concerned about her date with the Managing Director and the ride he promised her in (or perhaps on) his new fully loaded company issued Mercedes! 

To add insult to injury, you just saw the same suit you splurged on, on discount at Men's Warehouse no less....the nerve! 

6 months of good living start coming back to haunt you....0% is history, now your rate has ballooned to 38.95%.  Making those payments means drastically reducing spending, time to start bringing a sandwich to work. Cereal diet takes on a whole new meaning...if you splurge, its on the dollar menu at Mc Donalds. Time to down grade from Grey goose, to "affordable yet still tasty" Bud Lite. No more nights out at that hot new VIP clubs; trucker dive bars are the new name of the game (Hello STD ridden biker gals)....maybe it's time to hawk your suit before the debt collector walks in. 

And whilst all this is happening, you wistfully think, perhaps you shouldn't have insisted on getting bottle service to impress your entourage (and the honey's) every time you went out, or rented that expensive BMW for your road trip home. After all you wanted everyone to remark on how amazingly successful you are. But alas, it was but a lie, funded by Madame Visa and now she wants it all back.....with an egregious amount of interest. 

Your plastic friend was a burning plastic fiend in disguise. Now its too late. Your screwed. You wanted a life partner, and what you got was a temperamental mistress. Treat her well, and she'll be good to you for a while, but as time goes on her demands grow more the irrational, after all, paying a monthly minimum credit card of $800 per month is insane! But you must grim and bear it. After all who wants to be alone and reconvene that feeling of powerlessness?

The lesson to be learned here is that a good life is expensive, full of expectations and imperfections which we are desperate to hide to the world. Unfortunately life isn't quite so simple, even happiness has its costs. Lets just hope for your own sake that it's not as expensive as a Credit Card. But if your really good and really lucky, you will one day find that magical card that will make your life all the better for a life time.    

Promiscuity; double standards galore...Thank you Father Time!

One of my male friends tried to explain a double standard to a female friend when she posed the question of why when a girl sleeps with two different guys a year, she is a slut, but if a guy sleeps with two girls in a night he is a rock star.

I do have a few salient points that I need to address.

Firstly, I'm appalled that any girl would sleep with two boys in her WHOLE LIFE (do her irresponsible parents know that her libido is destroying the family's reputation?) as opposed to a single year (You slut!).....just kidding....or Am I. Yay Pakistani culture of Abstinence.

Secondly, Rock stars sleep with way more than two girls a night, though once they cross the age of 60, they are allowed to slow down....looking at you Mick Jagger! (I'm excluding all rockstars that play Jazz or Country music).

Thirdly by sleep we don't mean actual sleeping, doing the dirty would be more accurate, though men have been known to take cat naps during the cuddling process.

Fourthly....You Brought if up! why do you discriminate, I would never call a girl who slept around like a prostitute a slut.....highly available and open for business maybe...but never so callous. Besides, I hear girls call each other sluts with happy smiles on their faces all the time.

Now I really enjoyed my male friends justification.

Think of it like a Key and Lock. Guys are Keys and Girls are Locks. If you have a key that fits in many locks, then that's a Master Key, which is really awesome, effective and desirable to be. But if your a Lock that fits many keys, well that's just a shitty lock.

Every guy likes to think of himself or try to be a master key, but no girl thinks of herself as a crappy lock. It's only the ballsy guys (typically the assholes) who have "drive" to try to open as many locks as possible in the never ending quest to prove themselves to be a master key (results may vary), while a woman's apparent duty to be as sturdy a lock as possible; the more their lock is opened the less desire one has to take that lock home and pronounce a lifelong commitment use that lock as a protection for one's home/family's 'honor'. After all insurance sucks and there is no life time warranty.  

Marriages; Arranged or Love....Are they Really That Different?

"All the Worlds a Stage and all the Men and Women are merely Players"
-William Shakespeare

I was recently asked to write an article on the virtues of Arranged Marriage Vs. Love Marriages. This is what I came up.

1. Arranged Marriages: Long gone are the days where the family merely informed you of your own wedding via shaadi card, with strict instruction on what to wear and what time to be there. No one gets married anymore to satisfy their family, unless you are gay, and then you don't really care who you marry as long as you get to keep your extra large closet to yourself.

However, some key elements still remain. Your family does the match making, you have a partial decision (though usually if either party respectfully declines, its all good unless the parents are bosom buddies and in that case your completely screwed, 'how dare he not want to marry my perfect daughter/son, does he think he's too good for us"). At this point it may not be a good time to note that their 'perfect daughter' is about as intelligent as a tub of face cream (Think Brain Mush), as sweet tempered as Attila the Hun (refer to your history books) and has as much in common with you as Tom Green (see 'Freddy got Fingered' for Details). Rejection from either side hurt, so you try to humor parents by sitting through pointless dinners till you can find a reason for reject the match (In terms of being matched with a brown girl, saying that you heard she is crazy, ought to do it, but don't be specific, leaving it vague allows for imaginations to run wild; particularly as your actually right, and all brown women are born a little off their rockers.)

2. Love Marriages: Its your own choice...but how independent is it? Your lifestyle circumstances, friends, work place, college choice do the match making (fate), the decision is mostly up to you (very rarely do I see marriages where the parents disapprove of a choice (religious grounds excluded)) but that said, it depends on how the relationship dynamic works. There is exceedingly popular the 'I just want to be friends, even though you don't angle' (both persons are usually aware of this, if not then respective IQ levels ought to be examined), though the "hey we're dating" piece becomes more prevalent, as our cultural values shift. But the main relationship development is stress free as the couple develop an understanding based on their mutual desire for a shared future (for men, the tenure of that future is likely to be shorter). But once they are "ready to go public"/tell the parents, good luck and if your a guy, you had better pray that the girl meets all/most of the family requirements (in Pakistan, parents are more particular on who their sons marry as the daughters usually move in). As long as they fit most of the basic requirements, parents are usually willing to go along with it all (though expect vicious back ground checks).

Perhaps parents have realized that its their kids lives, and they should be allowed to make their own choices (highly unlikely). I personally think it has something to do with wanting grand kids and lacking good reasons for rejection (saying she's not perfect enough doesn't work anymore). Though God help you if you decide to break it off....Seriously. That news spreads like wild fire and you know your officially cut off from main stream society when Aunties forget who you are, and when they eventually remember they start their "tsk tsks" and start jabbering in excited voices about why the marriage was called off (the contents of which are unintelligible jabber...secret code language for the Auntie Fellowship). Pariah's Anonymous meeting invitations will ensue.

3. Arranged Love Marriage: This devious form of marriage set up stems from family and extended relatives quietly acting from behind the scenes and setting up casual encounters for a potential couple to meet; Ever wonder why you keep running into girls with their mothers at Coffee Shops, now you know why (Aunties don't even bloody drink Coffee you fools, In Pakistan they fuel up on Tea!). The result of these casual encounters may be to ascertain the level of attraction, but more likely they figure that the more time they spend together, the more likely they are to shack up (life sentence pre-requisite).

It could entail dancing at 6 different mehndi and mysteriously being partnered up with the same partner for all 36 dances....coincidence? (Only a guy might think so or derive some logical explanation that would sound like 'we dance well together', 'she thinks I'm hot', 'She's creeped out by the other guys', 'I promised my Mom I'd look after her'). It's probably the kind that makes the most sense, until you figure out that your a pawn. But at least it seemed spontaneous and bloody good luck that you met such a fine compatible partner (your probably evaluating the odds of how rarely that happens).

After taking time out for contemplation/my nap was over, I came to several streams of thought. Why would anyone put themselves through being set up by their family, friends, etc? Its the same reason people are drawn to Internet dating. No one wants to be alone, we all have a human desire to be loved and cherished. Now in Pakistani society, the best way to navigate the behemoth of cultural carcass and expectations, is by being willing to be a functionary of the system. Let others provide 'suggestions' on whats best with you (the force of the suggestion can be directly correlated to the size and weight of the bag the Auntie is carrying).

In order to find a suitable partner, one is told to look for certain things that would make their parents (and various mega bag wielding Aunties) happy. This could be religion, social class, education, family back ground, looks, cooking ability etc. Now doing this on ones own, is a pretty momentous task (particularly if you have a job/life/responsibilities).

After all, In the Love Marriage set up, you don't ask these questions until you get to know the person (by which time your hormones have already decided for you). However, in the Arranged Marriages & Arranged Love Marriage frame work, one is already interacting with approved candidates. So if you like them, then it's already a pre-approved match. Everything to gain if you will.

Think of it in terms of credit cards, if your pre-approved for a really good advantageous rewards card, then that's a great thing; Good rates, excellent advantages and benefits/cool stuff, but you don't want to be the one trolling for crappy cards with hidden fees etc; Does "Special introductory rate of 0% (for 3 months, after which rate will be 215.76% per anum)" sound familiar? 

We all want the best possible card, but we are all wary of the final costs, the fine print and how our lives will be changed because of it. Sometimes we appreciate the general prodding in the right direction, other times we prefer to DIY (Do it yourself). 

A Day in the Life of an Economist/Research Analyst

I tend to field a lot of questions from people I know and don't know on what I exactly as an Economist/Research Analyst at a Mutual Fund in Pakistan. 

Inspired by the 'A day in the life of series' (I think the ones I've read so far are really boring) here is typically what a good day looks like. 

8:00 AM: Wake up, hit snooze, Go back to sleep. I don't have to be at work till 9 and my pillow and I are in the midst of an engaging conversation. 

8:20-9:00 AM: Bounce out of bed, quickly change, shower, shave and prepare for my day. Jump in my car and drive to work. Blissful if good music is on and annoying Radio Jockey's just shut up and play music.  

9:05 AM: Stroll into my office, working at a mutual fund in Pakistan is pretty chill, so people don't walk till 9:30-9:45 AM (Market opens at 9:30 AM) . I on the other hand have things to get done before the markets open.

9:05-9:40 AM: Get to work, I have to check various news sources, pulled out any relevant news pieces and figure out how the news will skew the market (Karachi Stock Exchange;KSE), if I'm well versed in the subject matter I'll have an idea on what impact it'll have on certain companies for eg. if Saudi Arabia lifts its embargo on regional exports for cements, that's probably bad news for Lucky Cement (symbol LUCK) as it relies on exports to distribute around half of its units produced. Saudi Producers are also highly subsidized in terms of energy costs, which Pakistani producers aren't. 

9:40 - 10:00 AM: Morning meeting with the investment team, listen closely to whats being said, I'll offer my input only if I know whats going on or if I have questions. Often the questions I'm asked to field are related to the Economy and what macro impacts certain policy changes will have. Dubai crisis, means bad news for the rates of our floating Euro Soveriegn Bonds. Jeez, no one wants to trust big governments anymore...what is the world coming too. 

10:00 AM-1:00 PM: Meeting is over, and I head back to my desk, I have a barrage of emails to deal with coupled with morning reports to go over. Since the dedicated research team consists of 3 people, we have to juggle multiple work flows that tend to overlap across sectors. So it's important to be as widely well versed as possible in virtually every sector. I'll also start making calls to other research analysts and brokers with queries (definitely the norm; you are alwayslearning something new) I'll have about certain points they've made in their reports or any contentious issue that arises that I need to understand. It's a pretty full morning, the highlight of which is when our resident Tea Distribution Manager/Chai Walla drops off a batch of sweet steaming tea in my personal over sized mug on my desk.....and then...he semi-bows. Which I'm yet to get over and it always puts a smile on my face. I also typically think about various potential investments we might be interested based on the news flows, assessing our exposures to market swings etc. 

1:00-1:45 PM: Get Lunch, the guys in the office usually go out and get lunch together, but depending on deadlines and just plain bad timing we'll peel off into groups. Working in the financial epicentre of Pakistan has its perks, for starters the food here is great (and cheap), whether you want Chinese, Pakistani, Iranian, Afghan or Western food, its all available. There is even Pizza Hut, Henny's, KFC and Subway nearby so its a pretty wide selection, but it depends on what your in the mood to eat. Most places will also deliver in case we are too lazy to leave the office or don't have the time. Healthy options are at a minimum and I don't think I've ever seen a place serve a real salad. 

1:45-4:00 PM: I usually spend this time working on my economy work flows; inflation projections, current account break ups, monthly economic reports, updating state bank data and at least a few times a week I'll call other Economists and get their views and get some feedback on ideas of my own. It's important to understand how people think than what they actually think (in fact what they think is usually irrelevant, for me its all in the thought process). Economists don't need to be accurate, though they need to be as close as possible. 

4:00-5:00 PM: We invite different research analysts to give presentations; its an opportunity for them to pitch us their ideas on certain companies and sectors (which we're considering taking a position in), if we like what they have to say we'll use them (usually) as our broker for the deal. 

5:00-7:00 PM: Wrap up any work flows, investment notes I have left to do, in some cases a late query will come in from the Investment side and I'll have to deal with them as quickly and accurately as I can. 

7:05: Head to the gym and then head home. 

Tamil aunty dressing

tamil aunty is dressing

Tamil Aunty in bikini

Tamil Aunty in dressing room

Tamil Aunty wearing red colour saree. She is in red colour panties. Tamil aunty is in dressing room